I have never been as forth coming of my struggles with depression as someone should who wishes that the world would change the way it looks at people with mental illness. It was something I struggled with through all of high school, the start of college, and even while on my mission. I'm not completely cured of depression, but, compared to where I have been, I feel as if my struggles now are nothing at all.
People without depression relate it to low times in their life when they had "the blues" and pity parties. They lack the understanding of what depression really is and sometimes judge those struggling as people spending too much time having a pity party. Real depression is not caused by pity parties, pity parties are more the way that depressed people try and make sense of why they feel the way they do.
Depression is mainly characterized by feelings of deep sadness for no apparent reason. Sometimes that means crying, other times it means losing the desire to move, and sometimes it means blocking everything out and trying to carry on so as to not be a burden on those around you. These feelings that you cannot control follow you everywhere and majorly effect the way you live your life. You lose interest in the things you love because they no longer bring joy to your life and you have no power to change that. This is why it can be compared to being in a hole with no way to get out.
Some go so far as to lose all motivation to get up out of bed because they feel hopeless. Some start wishing to take away their own lives because it feels like there is nothing that can be done (and that their problems are unnecessarily being a burden to their loved ones). They feel the hole they are in is too deep to escape. The feeling that the hole is inescapable is from the devil; do not listen to him.
When times are rough and we lose our faith in ourselves, we lose our hope as well. We know that Jesus Christ can do everything, but that we are miserable failures and thus are incapable of taking the steps in order to be healed/saved. The last part is also a lie of the father of all lies. Christ has performed the Atonement and can do everything and all that is required of us is to turn towards Him as much as we can. If that is limited to only going through the motions of your faith, so be it. He understands and in time will make it mean much more to you.
So what happens when you pull through and fight off suicidal thoughts, do you get freed from the deep hole of depression? No. In fact, through my own experience, you usually find yourself in deeper and deeper holes. How do you fight off the suicidal thoughts if you lose more and more hope in the process of getting over depression? You cling to your old decision that your life is not yours to take. Once you pass through the debate once, you don't have to go through it again. It becomes something you can cling to and hold on to and remember that you can be courageous even if you fail everything else.
Yes, this is a cheesy Sunday School lesson. Make the decision once and then you never have to make it again. We remember the familiar scenario, create pretend scenarios in your mind of the temptation to smoke, decide that you are going to say no, and then stick to it if it ever happens in real life. Unfortunately, many of us do not foresee being burdened with depression and thus never make the decision prior to being in a place where it actually does seem like the only way to solve our problems and the problems of those around us. Thus we have to be brave and trust Gd that it is not the solution that will actually solve all our problems. Then we have to cling to that choice when the thoughts come back again.
What if we have sinned and feel like we aren't going to make it to the Celestial Kingdom anyway, why not bring our final fate to us sooner? I will answer that with a question, do you quit the game just because you are losing in the first quarter? Sometimes the beginning of the game reflects the final outcome of the game, but many times it doesn't. Don't forfeit the game prematurely because you don't think you can win. It is better to play to the end and see how it turns out. Your fellow players may surprise you and turn the game around and your best support my not show up until half-time but then they are there and will help you actually be successful in playing the game.
If you struggle with depression, my words above are only survival skills, i.e. how to not kill yourself if you have depression. If you really want to get out of the hole and stop feeling like a burden to your friends and family, you need to go get the appropriate "medical attention". You need to find a counselor that fits you (my first counselor was not a good match and thus I didn't get anywhere with him) and be perfectly honest and open with them. Being perfectly honest and open means you need to talk about the things that you are hiding from yourself. Only then can they start helping you untangle the mess of your mind.
Sometimes they can only untangle your mind and you will still have bouts of depression. Depression can be solely chemical, but if that is your case you still need to get counseling because chemical depression still causes the mental side-effects until you learn the tools to keep your mind untangled. Once you have those skills you will better be able to navigate life and realize that depression doesn't have to control your life. You may not be completely free in this life, but life can become enjoyable again.
People without depression relate it to low times in their life when they had "the blues" and pity parties. They lack the understanding of what depression really is and sometimes judge those struggling as people spending too much time having a pity party. Real depression is not caused by pity parties, pity parties are more the way that depressed people try and make sense of why they feel the way they do.
Depression is mainly characterized by feelings of deep sadness for no apparent reason. Sometimes that means crying, other times it means losing the desire to move, and sometimes it means blocking everything out and trying to carry on so as to not be a burden on those around you. These feelings that you cannot control follow you everywhere and majorly effect the way you live your life. You lose interest in the things you love because they no longer bring joy to your life and you have no power to change that. This is why it can be compared to being in a hole with no way to get out.
Some go so far as to lose all motivation to get up out of bed because they feel hopeless. Some start wishing to take away their own lives because it feels like there is nothing that can be done (and that their problems are unnecessarily being a burden to their loved ones). They feel the hole they are in is too deep to escape. The feeling that the hole is inescapable is from the devil; do not listen to him.
When times are rough and we lose our faith in ourselves, we lose our hope as well. We know that Jesus Christ can do everything, but that we are miserable failures and thus are incapable of taking the steps in order to be healed/saved. The last part is also a lie of the father of all lies. Christ has performed the Atonement and can do everything and all that is required of us is to turn towards Him as much as we can. If that is limited to only going through the motions of your faith, so be it. He understands and in time will make it mean much more to you.
So what happens when you pull through and fight off suicidal thoughts, do you get freed from the deep hole of depression? No. In fact, through my own experience, you usually find yourself in deeper and deeper holes. How do you fight off the suicidal thoughts if you lose more and more hope in the process of getting over depression? You cling to your old decision that your life is not yours to take. Once you pass through the debate once, you don't have to go through it again. It becomes something you can cling to and hold on to and remember that you can be courageous even if you fail everything else.
Yes, this is a cheesy Sunday School lesson. Make the decision once and then you never have to make it again. We remember the familiar scenario, create pretend scenarios in your mind of the temptation to smoke, decide that you are going to say no, and then stick to it if it ever happens in real life. Unfortunately, many of us do not foresee being burdened with depression and thus never make the decision prior to being in a place where it actually does seem like the only way to solve our problems and the problems of those around us. Thus we have to be brave and trust Gd that it is not the solution that will actually solve all our problems. Then we have to cling to that choice when the thoughts come back again.
What if we have sinned and feel like we aren't going to make it to the Celestial Kingdom anyway, why not bring our final fate to us sooner? I will answer that with a question, do you quit the game just because you are losing in the first quarter? Sometimes the beginning of the game reflects the final outcome of the game, but many times it doesn't. Don't forfeit the game prematurely because you don't think you can win. It is better to play to the end and see how it turns out. Your fellow players may surprise you and turn the game around and your best support my not show up until half-time but then they are there and will help you actually be successful in playing the game.
If you struggle with depression, my words above are only survival skills, i.e. how to not kill yourself if you have depression. If you really want to get out of the hole and stop feeling like a burden to your friends and family, you need to go get the appropriate "medical attention". You need to find a counselor that fits you (my first counselor was not a good match and thus I didn't get anywhere with him) and be perfectly honest and open with them. Being perfectly honest and open means you need to talk about the things that you are hiding from yourself. Only then can they start helping you untangle the mess of your mind.
Sometimes they can only untangle your mind and you will still have bouts of depression. Depression can be solely chemical, but if that is your case you still need to get counseling because chemical depression still causes the mental side-effects until you learn the tools to keep your mind untangled. Once you have those skills you will better be able to navigate life and realize that depression doesn't have to control your life. You may not be completely free in this life, but life can become enjoyable again.
Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteThere are two types of clinical depression: depression caused by low levels of serotonin, and depression caused by low levels of dopamine. Low dopamine causes lethargy--the inability to find a reason to try. Low serotonin causes feelings of anxiety which are not related to anything happening in the real world. These two types of depression are treated with separate types medications, which is why it is important to identify which symptoms you do have so that you can get the proper treatment. It is also empowering to realize that these feelings are not a result of anything you have done, but are a result of chemical imbalances in your body from factors outside of your control.
ReplyDeleteI also agree that there are some things in society that we misunderstand, and we use our own misunderstanding to justify mistreatment. This is wrong. We should remove the stigma associated with these things. One of those things is depression, as well as other forms of mental illness.